Two things/observations

1. If my feelings are not in line with the Bible they are wrong. My feelings are not God. God is God.

2. I love seeing people enthusiastically dancing and singing to music in their car. It always makes me smile.

I came across this writing of mine that's almost 2 years old. The comedy lies in the fact I thought living through this was not a possibility.

10/30/06

Lord I feel as though my life is spinning out of control. Maybe a better phrase is “I’m in over my head”. I have three tests this week and a physiology lab notebook due. We have Zone championships in Clovis this weekend with the Level 5s and 6s. Why I am letting You know these things as if you didn’t already know, I’m not sure. But I do know that I have an insurmountable mountain to climb and I can’t seem to tackle it one step at a time.

My mind spins in circles with formulas and graphs and perissodactyla.

[] of NaCl
absorption of KMnO4
potential voltage difference
rate of hemolysis
10
77 deg C
enzymes
metabolic rate

I am inundated with words I don’t care about. Graphs, though logical, mean little to me. I have a practice test I have to look through and yet just glancing at the first page I knew nothing. I have approximately 24 hours until this test. Of those 24, I only have about 6 to study. 6 hours.

I feel swallowed. Maybe inundated. Drowning. I can barely look at my class notes without being repulsed and in reflex closing the cuaderno. Spanish, why am I speaking in Spanish? Am I taking any Spanish classes? No. But it frees my mind.
I only know about 100 words in Spanish, but I love the limitation I have of it. I love that I can communicate. It’s not because I have a test, not because I need to understand a process, but because it’s a way in which people connect.
It uses the other, less-worked side of my brain.

And I look at my life right now, and there are few things that I enjoy about it.

But I remember that You know, You see all. And for whatever reason, this is what You want me to go through right now.
I feel as though I learn this lesson 6 times every quarter. You would think I would get it by now.

Can I trust You, that You’ll bring me through?

Yes.
You always do.

I find it frustrating that a huge problem in my life is school. That is so dumb.
I’m not even good at Biology.
I don’t like animals.

School seems so wimpy, so miniscule in the grand scheme of things, yet it is the very water that is over my head.
It is the very air that suffocates my desires.

Education. The hustle and bustle to become worldly wise. Oh the urgency, the aimless pursuit for things which cannot satisfy.
How hard it is. I think I’ve pinpointed it. Maybe not.

For me to know God--

To trust, love, and run to the Living Water.
The supreme fountain of my being
In whom I find all goodness, all love, all grace, and mercy.

The One in whom I continually resort. Who satisfies my soul.
The One who gives me purpose,
in whom I could spend the rest of my days at His feet.

Then to come to a place of pursuing the finite. The empty. The futile. All classes, all equations, all school pales in comparison to my God. How do I live in this awful place?

Soren just walked by me. I don’t know if he was talking to me or his friend, but either way. Thank You Lord for the encouragement.
“Hey Danielle. You have the Holy Spirit in you.”

I have the Holy Spirit in me. That is how I live. I bring the Lord with me. Lord bring me to You, bring me with You. Never let me leave You. It’s a desert out here.

I can't get this out of my head.

From a Piper sermon:

"Decisions are easy. Affections are impossible. And the Christian life is impossible. And you should feel desperate if you're sitting there feeling "but I don't treasure Him that way." Join the club. Everyday I pray about my failing emotions. Everyday I pray about how my computer attracts me, and my wife attracts me, and my daughter attracts me, and preaching attracts me. And Christ is less attractive. That's my main battle in life. That's the meaning of sanctification-- is to fight at that level, not the decision level, the duty level, the action level. All that comes when out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks, out of the abundance of the heart the hands move. The battle is fought at the treasuring level of life. Turn the word treasure from a noun into a verb. So Jesus is the direct object of the verb treasure. Over sex, money, career, family, and health, and life itself."

getting to the point

I was inspired by Abraham Piper's (John Piper's son) blog. His goal is to get his point across in 22 words or less, not including titles.

If you know me, brevity is not one of my gifts. I like this new challenge of getting to the point. Hence, my short entries.

One way to realize that this world is not all about you..

I coach a triplet. Today was her birthday, and her sister's birthday, and her brother's birthday.

I have been exhorted to magnify Christ like a telescope, not a microscope.

Wrestling with this all week: How do I coach gymnastics so Jesus looks as grand as He is, which of course is greater than gymnastics?

Fill in your own blank.