Dog Days Are Over

Happiness hit her like a train on a track... 

Parallels

I am loving all the parallels in my Scripture reading lately.

Gal 4:9--"But now that you have come to know God, or rather to be known by God, how can you turn back again to the weak and worthless elementary principles of the world."
Job 23:8-10--"I go forward, but he is not there...but he knows the way that I take..."

Psalm 57:2--"I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills his purpose for me."
Job 23:14--"He will complete what he appoints for me, and many such things are in his mind."

Prov 27:1--"Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth."
James 4:13-14--"Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit--yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring."

Deut 6:24--"And the Lord commanded us to do all these statutes, to fear the Lord our God, for our good always, that he preserve us alive as we are this day."
Psalm 56:9--"This I know, that God is for me."

Wings Like A Dove

Oh that I had wings like a dove,
Then I would flee and run
But in the tempest and raging wind I feel Your love,
Jealous, unwavering, never done


Oh that I had wings like a dove,
Then I would soar to heavenly heights
To be with my Life above
All-satisfying Delight of all delights.

Sweeter than Sirens

This is my honest confession, 
Of a lifelong lesson:
Siren's melodies enchant with their ring
I need an infinitely sweeter song to sing


I have forsaken the Living Water
I run to waterless cisterns, not trusting my Father
I am dying of thirst
My soul feels cursed


These broken bones will rejoice
When You purge me with Your voice
The voice that creates with galactic power
I beg for You to speak a new heart into this old tower 


Oh bind me, bind me to You, O Lord
No other lovers will my soul adore 
If I lose my mind and wander
Ravish me, O Great Lover 


There is no other way to be free 
Unless I am bound to You eternally 
My crusty eyes fail
My heart begins to set sail 


Anchor me to You 
For no other love will do 
Breathe on me Spirit from above 
Melt this stony heart with Your love


Siren's songs will fade away to be heard no more  
When this heart sings heavenly notes for 
A love that is sweeter and better and supreme 
And there in freedom this soul will beam. 

Feelings vs. Reality = Daily Battle

Today I was greatly convicted while reading Deuteronomy 1. It was like I was reading my autobiography.  I think it was the following lines that really hit home:

"And you murmured in your tents and said, 'Because the Lord hated us he has brought us out into the land of Egypt, to give us into the hand of the Amorites to destroy us.' (vs 27)

"Our brothers have made our hearts melt..." (vs 28)

"You did not believe the Lord your God..." (vs 32)

The situation I find myself in presently, and the situations I know I will find myself in the future, show that inside me I have a murmuring, disbelieving heart. I actually think the Lord is not seeking my good. And I start to entertain thoughts that maybe he wants to destroy me.

All feelings the Israelites had, I confess that I myself have:

Murmuring.
Melting hearts.
Thinking that the Lord hates me and is seeking to destroy me.
Unbelief.

I kept reading. The words hit me like a splash of cold water.

"Do not be in dread or afraid... the Lord your God who goes before you will himself fight for you, just as he did for you in Egypt before your eyes, and in the wilderness, where you have seen how the Lord your God carried you, as a man carries his son, all the way that you went until you came to this place. Yet in spite of this word you did not believe the Lord your God, who went before you in the way to seek you out a place to pitch your tents, in fire by night, and in the cloud by day, to show you by what way you should go." Deut 1:30-33

The reality was that God went before them, God fought for them, God carried them, and God guided them. They felt differently. And there are times I feel differently too. But in reading stories like this I am reminded of the reality that God is working and fighting and guiding and carrying even when it seems like he isn't.

So I pray for faith. I pray that my heart wouldn't melt in the mire of my own unbelief. I pray that I would have eyes to see that God is carrying me, and it's not about me holding on for dear life. I pray that I would see that in every strange turn and through every wilderness God is guiding me. I pray that my murmuring heart would melt away in view of the goodness and greatness of God. I pray that I wouldn't doubt God's immeasurable love towards me for a single second.

I was convicted this morning for my unbelieving and murmuring heart, but I found myself rejoicing that Jesus' believing and grateful heart is my record. Only the gospel can do this. 

Not Resolutions

Just some general thoughts on things I want to either do or attempt to do in 2012. 

1. Laugh, a lot more. Daily. 

2. Run on new trails.

3. Seek mutually constructive relationships. 

4. In counseling others see the good, the hard, and the bad...in that order. 

5. Play more games. Find new games to play. 

6. Pour myself out for others. 

7. Take risks. 

8. Get a new schedule. 

9. Talk about books that I read, so I make sure I understand them and not just read them to read them. 

10. Try to learn something new from disciplines I may not be familiar with--physics, economics, astronomy, politics, literature, etc. 

11. Take more random road trips. 

12. Do things that get me out of my comfort zone. 

13. Seek to affirm. 

14. Find joy in the joy of others. 

15. Be alert to where God is taking people and what he's doing in their lives so as to help them become who he has created them to be. 

16. Enjoy the pleasant gifts God gives to me. 

17. Enjoy the painful gifts God gives to me. 

18. Cultivate strengths. 

19. Make traditions. 

20. Cook more. 

21. Practice hospitality. 

22. Dance more around the house. 

23. Tell more people about Jesus. 

24. Study something, someone and reflect on the creative prowess of God. 

25. Notice and delight in the small things. 

26. Write notes and give gifts to people just because. 

The Anti-Psalm 46

"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea...God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns. Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." 

Psalm 46:1-2, 5-6

The anti-psalm is a more accurate and honest reflection of my heart. 

In the midst of trouble I run to other people and things that can't really protect me or support me. This proves to be more disappointing and painful than my initial troubles. Because I feel like God is far from me, and because I don't seek refuge in him, it feels like my whole world is falling apart. I am deeply afraid. I am tossed into the heart of the sea. I am greatly shaken and morning seems like it will never come. I want to control my life and I seek to be exalted. Peace is a foreign word to me. I am restless. 

Lord Jesus, I confess that I often don't run to you in my storms. I am embarrassed to admit that I seek refuge in my tears and in my self pity. I seek strength in other things, even other people. 

But you are my only constant and capable refuge. You alone are strong enough to hold me and deal with my fears, pains, anxieties, and desires. 

Lord, I also confess that there are times when trouble comes and you don't seem very near. But that's a low view of your sovereignty. You are so near that it is in fact from your hand that my troubles come. Though troubles and pains are difficult, you are the only one greater than those troubles, more powerful than the pain. Oh, to have an unshakeable confidence in your care and your presence! Peace truly comes when I realize that you are God, and I am not. Purpose comes when my deepest affections are more concerned with exalting you than myself. 

From Theory to Reality

"Struggle through your own troubles in the light of Christ. Your anger, joys, anxiety, and discouragement, your successes, escapism, and sufferings, are all God's context for making theory real." 

David Powlison